


Aceing Love

by Intricate6



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Fluff, M/M, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:40:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25374805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Intricate6/pseuds/Intricate6
Summary: an asexual soulmate au"I'm so tired of love songs" by LauvFelix never thought that he would hear from his soulmate again, so when he sees the words appear on his skin he just stares at them in shock before finally coming to his senses and jumping for some soap and water to wash off the offending phrase.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Kim Woojin, Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Hwang Hyunjin/Seo Changbin, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix
Comments: 17
Kudos: 136
Collections: STRAY KIDS BIGBANG: 2020





	Aceing Love

“You know, I think you should give him a chance,” Jisung commented idly from where he was sitting on the countertop, legs swinging as he took another bite of the ice cream in his hand.

Felix just ignored Jisung and continued to scrub at his arm.

“I mean, I bet the guy is harmless, just curious as to who his soulmate is. Most people have already met up at this point.”

“I really, really don’t care because this whole soulmate thing is stupid and a waste of time.” Felix soaped up the washcloth for the millionth time and he furiously scrubbed at his arm, trying to get the words written on it to disappear. 

Everyone on earth had a soulmate, someone who was supposed to be your perfect match, the person to complete your other half. Starting seemingly randomly, but sometime in the teen years, you could start to communicate with your soulmate by writing something on your body and it would show up on the same place on the other person’s. Most people wrote constantly on themselves from the time they turned 13, hoping for their soulmate’s response even though the average age for writing to appear was 16. Once the writing started it was usually a few days or weeks before soulmates exchanged phone numbers and eventually met up, the whole process aided greatly by the development of technology. Parents loved to remind their children of how easy they had it these days, being able to text their soulmate. Back in their days they’d had to look up addresses in the phonebook, you know. 

At 13, Felix had been with the rest of his classmates, writing on his arm every single day, whether it be notes from a class, a drawing, or just a simple hello. He was obsessed with finding his soulmate, what she would look like, how she would act, how they would grow up and have babies together. He was infatuated with the idea of someone that he would be able to spend the rest of his life with.

However, as the years passed and his classmates grew up and got into relationships, Felix started to realize something: he didn’t like people in the same way that others did. And when Felix had his first kiss with the girl he had been dating for three month at age 16, he became very aware of the fact that he neither liked girls nor kissing. 

That one kiss made Felix question everything. Not liking girls was okay, his mom had made it clear from an early age that she was perfectly fine if Felix was gay, even going as far as to ask Felix outright if he preferred guys over girls. But not liking kissing? Not even the very idea of it? That wasn’t okay.

Everyone liked kissing. Everyone liked taking it further. Everyone liked sex. 

It was the basic rules of being human. It was the way that everyone functioned.

So Felix tried to like it. He tried so hard. He would watch videos of people kissing to desensitize himself. He read books with kissing scenes, books with sex scenes. He chanted it everyday in his head that it was okay to kiss, it was good to have these feelings, “a burning desire” as books put it. 

But, no matter how hard Felix tried, he cringed every time he saw people kissing, only tolerated it in books where his brain was in charge of the characters and the imaging. He could read sex scenes relatively well because his brain made it how he wanted it to be, but Felix couldn’t tolerate actually seeing them. Not to mention the fact that the very thought of him actually taking part in any of the kissing was enough to make Felix shudder. In fact, just thinking about it now made his insides feel as if they were curling up as he cringed practically into another realm. 

So at 17 Felix was forced to come to terms with the fact that he was asexual. 

With the increasing frequency that he was hearing about people finding their soulmates, getting into relationships, kissing, having sex. Felix was forced to come to terms with the fact that he was more than just a late bloomer when it came to these sorts of things. In fact he was more of a “never-going-to bloom-er”. But then again, Felix di still hold that hope in his heart, that small ray of light that he would one day be comfortable with the whole sexual part of a relationship, that one day he would be able to wake up and be “normal”, be able to tolerate kissing and whatnot like everyone else. 

The first day that a simple ‘hello’ appeared on his arm at 18, Felix freaked. Even though he still had that small hope that he would turn out allosexual, all of the worst case scenarios ran through his head: that his soulmate would hate him for being asexual, that he wouldn't believe that his sexuality was real, that he would force Felix into doing something he didn’t want to, would abandon him forever for being a freak, a weirdo.

So Felix didn’t respond, was careful not to make a single mark on his skin, afraid that his soulmate would realize that Felix was getting the messages. He wasn’t ready to face the person he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with when he wasn’t even comfortable with his own sexuality. 

But in his avoidance of his soulmate, Felix made one huge mistake: he wiped away the messages, let them wash off in the shower, scrubbed off the more stubborn ones. One day a message appeared in thick dark ink on the back of Felix’s hand while he was sitting in math class: “I know you’re getting these. I watched you wash the last message off. Why are you ignoring me?”

Felix panicked. He excused himself to go to the bathroom and scrubbed as hard as possible at his hand, trying to get the words to disappear. However, Felix’s soulmate was apparently a complete ass because the words only faded slightly with all of Felix’s scrubbing. It was written in sharpie. Felix was forced to retreat back to class, words still glaringly obvious on the back of his hand. Luckily enough, the girl who sat next to him had some hand sanitizer in her bag because apparently her soulmate also liked to write things in sharpie. 

Once the words were gone, Felix wrote back a message of his own. “Leave me alone. I didn’t respond to you for a reason. Take a hint. You’re desperate.” Needless to say, Felix hadn’t heard from his soulmate since. 

Except for today, two years later, Felix now a sophomore in college, when a large ‘How are you doing?’ appeared on Felix’s arm, written in what was apparently blue sharpie judging by how hard it was for him to scrub off.

It really was unfortunate that his complete ass of a soulmate had sharpie as a preferred medium. 

Jisung sighed as he jumped off of the counter, finished with his ice cream cone. “I’m going to go see Minho because unlike you, I actually did meet my soulmate and fell in love,” he announced, shrugging on an oversized hoodie that was probably Minho’s to begin with judging by the large ‘Dance Team’' printed on the back. “You know I have hand sanitizer in the drawer by my bed if you really want to get that off your arm,” Jisung said with a wicked smile as he left their dorm room, the door closing softly behind him.

“Oh, thanks for telling me now,” Felix muttered sarcastically to the empty dorm room as he abandoned his washcloth in favor of digging around in Jisung’s drawer before he found the aforementioned hand sanitizer that took care of the large sharpie words in less than 30 seconds.

Now that Felix was left with a blank arm, he decided to text Chan, a senior, the father of their friend group, and Felix’s go-to for basically every problem he had that couldn’t be solved by Jisung. So mainly bugs and soulmates. 

Felix: my soulmate just sent me a message…

Chan: Not good? What did he say?

Felix: just a how are you doing, but i washed it off

Chan: Want me to come over?

Felix: ,,,yeah

A couple of minutes later a knock sounded on Felix’s door and Chan entered, slightly out of breath, his arms full of snacks. “I came as quickly as possible,” he panted, dumping all of the colorful packages on Felix’s bed.

“You really pulled out all of the stops for this one.” Felix tore open a package of choco pies, ever the sucker for chocolate while in a crisis.

“Of course, I remember when I was a youngling and stressing over Woojin, my mom and I would always talk over some ice cream. I don’t have any ice cream because our freezer is full of Minho’s weird cat treat things, but I figured this is the next best thing.”

“How is Woojin doing? I haven’t had a chance to talk to him in a while. How is America?” Woojin, Chan’s soulmate was currently in the US, teaching English to kids as a part of this exchange program that had been too good for him to give up, especially with Chan’s full support. The distance had been hard at first, but it seemed they were both starting to adjust well after a couple of months.

“Woojin is doing well,” Chan remarked with the far away look he got in his eyes whenever he talked about his soulmate. “In fact yesterday he went out for drinks with a couple of his teacher friends, I’m so happy that he’s making American friends, even if he was a little drunk and sappy when he called me.”

“Were you really worried that people wouldn’t like him? Woojin is literally the nicest person ever, he couldn’t hurt a fly,” Felix laughed, trying to imagine Woojin killing anything, even a mosquito.

“You’ve never played Twister with him. I think I still have bruises from that game two years ago. You should ask Jisung just how fierce Woojin can get.” Chan looked haunted and rubbed at his knee as if he was reliving the war. 

Felix found it hard to believe that Woojin could be anything but the kind, loving person he always seemed to be, but didn’t have a chance to question it further when Chan was asking him a question. “So what exactly happened with your soulmate?”

“He just wrote ‘how are you doing?’ on my arm after like two years of silence.”

“Silence that you demanded.”

“Yes, silence that he decided to break.” 

“You know, two years is a long time, maybe he thought that you had changed your mind, or had forgotten about it.” Chan chewed thoughtfully on a rice cake.

“Well hopefully he got the hint now, I don’t want to talk to him.” Felix crossed his arms, annoyance clear in his voice.

“Yes, but maybe he feels like you left him alone and hate him without a reason. Maybe he feels just as lost as you do, but in a different way, confused about his soulmate and their rejection of him.”

“I guess…” Felix muttered, “But I’m not going to talk to him, other than to tell him to leave me alone. I don’t want to have to deal with coming out to him and the misunderstanding and shame that’s bound to follow.”

Chan sighed. “That’ll have to be good enough for now, but do try to remember that he also has feelings and is affected by all of this. There were many times when I had written weird things on my arm that Woojin would scold me for later, like when he had to go to the interview for his first job with me drawing all over my hands the whole time.” 

“You’re absolutely ridiculous,” Felix stated, leaning into Chan’s side, letting the older wrap his strong arms around him. “But, thank you. For the advice. And for listening.”

“Of course, what else am I good for?”

\------------------------

Seungmin stared at his arm as the words he had written blurred before disappearing completely. “He hates me.”

“Not necessarily,” Hyunjin remarked from Seungmin’s side, “What if he is just scared? You know some people don’t necessarily want to meet their soulmates right away.”

“It’s been over two years since I realized he could read the messages I was sending him, he’s probably been getting them for longer. He definitely hates me,” Seungmin sighed and flopped back onto his bed, staring at his now blank arm. 

“Don’t say that.” Hyunjin laid down next to Seungmin. “He just doesn't know you yet, no one could hate you with how cute you are.

“You’re only saying that because you’re my friend.” Seungmin rolled over and buried his head in his blankets. “Just leave,” he muttered, his voice muffled by the pile of blankets he was speaking into. “Go have fun on your date with your soulmate.”

“Changbin’ll understand if I stay to comfort you, I can always postpone it, we were just going to the library to study. It’s not even a real date.”

“I have Jeongin to comfort me, now begone, have your fun being all cute and whatever you guys do.”

“Jeongin is watching a drama in the other room. He’s not exactly emotional support,” Hyunjin stated, curling into Seungmin’s side.

“I’m fine, now go!” Seungmin picked up a pillow and whacked Hyunjin over the head with it. “Go on your date and leave me alone!” He continued his assault on Hyunjin’s head until the older finally got up with a huff.

“Fine. I’m going, but don’t ask me to help you ever again. I’ll just leave you with Jeongin, since you apparently enjoy his company so much more.” 

“I do. Now go!” Seungmin chucked his pillow at Hyunjin’s retreating form, managing to hit him on the back of the head as he was closing the door. The last thing Seungmin saw of Hyunjin was his middle finger, a gesture that Seungmin definitely deserved.

But then again, it was kind of lonely without Hyunjin in the room. It was now just Seungmin and his thoughts. His very unhelpful thoughts.

In middle school, Seungmin hadn't been one of those people who had written on their arm every single day in hope of a response. Instead, he figured that his soulmate would be that type of person; after all they were supposed to be each other’s perfect half. Plus, most people didn’t get a response until 16 and 3 years was a long time to keep up hope, to check your body every single day without fail. So, Seungmin figured he’d let his soulmate do all of the heavy lifting for him and would just wait for the day that he’d look down and see a message written on his arm, probably in blue since that was Seungmin’s favorite color. 

Four years passed and Seungmin never did see a single mark on his skin that he hadn’t made himself. At 17, Seungmin decided to take matters into his own hands because goddammit he was going to meet his soulmate and they would grow up together and have great domestic fluffy times and cuddle and be together forever. 

For almost a year, Seungmin wrote small ‘hello’s on his arm everyday, until one day he watched the words disappear before his very eyes. His soulmate had been ignoring him! The nerve! 

Seungmin grabbed the nearest sharpie that he could find and wrote the most obvious, scathing message that he could think of, passive aggressiveness turned up to the max. What he didn’t expect was the almost immediate fading and then disappearance of the words. And then his soulmate had returned with an even more scathing message that brought tears to his eyes.

That was the day that Seungmin realized his soulmate was an asshole. 

After much crying to his mom and friends, Seungmin decided to say nothing in return, let there be complete silence between him and his soulmate, see if he cared. His soulmate better come running and crying to _him_ after that particular stunt. 

And Seungmin had stayed strong in his resolve for two years. Two years of seeing everyone else get together with their soulmates and be happy whereas he just had a gap where that place ought to have been filled in his heart. It was two years of Seungmin trying to forget about the mean words that had been said to him, trying to tell himself that he was better on his own.

The truth was that he wasn’t. Seungmin wanted a soulmate that he could confide in, rely on, be able to cuddle with everyday since Jeongin always rejected his attempts at skinship.

Today had been the breaking point. It was getting ridiculous, absolutely unreasonable, and Seungmin was majoring in chemical engineering, he was anything but unreasonable. In fact his whole life relied on math and numbers and these ones weren’t adding up. So Seungmin had begun his great experiment: trying to write again to his soulmate. 

Going into it, Seungmin had thought that he was prepared for everything, he had run through every possible scenario with Hyunjin, everything from flat out rejection to acceptance. All of his practices, though, had not prepared him for the moment he watched the words fade slowly from his skin and then all at once as his soulmate had finally found rubbing alcohol or something to fully dissolve the words and then a response never came. That was the moment Seungmin realized that his soulmate really did hate him for some reason.

Seungmin suddenly stood up from where he had been laying, sulking on the bed, dumping half of his blankets onto the floor in the process. 

“Jeongin?” he called, figuring that annoying the younger was better than stewing in his own thoughts. 

Seungmin finally found Jeongin sitting on the bathroom floor, phone in hand, watching a drama, like Hyunjin said he was. Jeongin looked up at the sudden intrusion to his space. “What do you want?” he didn’t even take out his headphones as he asked the question, voice slightly too loud.

“I want to cuddle,” Seungmin pouted, throwing himself onto a protesting Jeongin.

“Get off, my show was just getting good,” Jeongin whined, trying futilely to push Seungmin away. Seungmin fought with Jeongin for several more minutes before they reached an uneasy compromise with Seungmin leaning against Jeongin’s shoulder as he watched his drama. For a little while, Seungmin forgot about his whole soulmate fiasco. 

\--------------------------

The next day, Felix woke up, eyes gritty and alarm blaring. He looked over at his phone which brightly displayed the time 7:50 am. Felix almost fell out of his bed in his hurry to get up. He had slept through his previous four alarms and now he was going to be late to his dance class at 8 am. The instructor was super strict about time and Felix wasn’t about to get on her bad side.

Felix threw on a pair of sweatpants and slipped on his tennis shoes before sprinting out the door, hair sticking up everywhere as he made his mad dash across campus, managing to get through the door to the studio with a whole minute to spare. Mrs. Kim sent him a quizzical look at his heavy rate of breathing, but didn’t say anything as Felix plopped down next to Hyunjin and Minho, the latter being a TA for the class.

“Late night?” Hyunjin asked with a smirk.

“I’ll tell you later,” Felix mouthed as Dr. Kim clapped her hands and began to run them through their beginning stretches.

Practice left Felix gasping for breath, but feeling alive and rejuvenated in a way that dance only could. Modern dance was only his minor, since his parents had insisted that he major in something ‘useful’ which Felix had taken to mean interior design. Surprisingly, his parents readily accepted that major and Felix actually quite enjoyed his classes. Granted, they weren’t quite as cathartic as dance was, but they were actually enjoyable and something Felix could see himself doing.

Hyunjin and Felix thanked Dr. Kim for another great practice and waved goodbye to Minho who was demonstrating to a couple of people one of the more complicated moves. Usually, they were both in the group with Minho, wanting to make sure that they had everything down before they left for the day, but today they had a lab in Applied Science and they had promised they would arrive early to help Changbin set up. 

All three of them were in a lab group together, just trying to complete their one required science class that they needed to complete their college’s idea of “a well-rounded major”. In Felix’s opinion, forcing art students to take a science class was just torture, but then again, the engineering stuents did have to take a language arts class, so it evened out in the end.

“So, you were almost late for class today,” Hyunjin stated, “that never happens, you’re usually at least ten minutes early so that you can talk to Minho and ‘get a full warmup’”

Felix sighed as he shouldered his backpack. “I had a late night last night, my soulmate decided to break our two years of radio silence with a ‘how are you doing?’”

“Oh, really?” Hyunjin’s mind was reeling at that news. Seungmin had written that same phrase on his arm after two years of silence. It had to be a coincidence...unless it wasn’t and the asshole Seungmin had been complaining about was actually sweet Felix who was just too insecure to respond. 

“Yeah, I just erased the words with hand sanitizer and then had a complete mental breakdown about how my soulmate can’t take the hint that I don’t want to talk to him and that soulmates are just stupid and God’s way of controlling us and a bunch of other things that Chan finally managed to calm me down from like four hours later. And then, I still had this lab to prepare for and needless to say I got to bed pretty late.”

“Ah,” Hyunjin remarked, still trying to wrap his head around the fact that there was a very real possibility that Felix and Seungmin were soulmates. “Uh, did you ever respond to your soulmate?”

“No,” Felix vehemently shook his head. “I don’t want to have any communication with him. In fact I just want to forget that he exists at all. The fact that he exists is just a mockery of my pain. You and Changbin, Jisung and Minho, Chan and Woojin, you guys are all perfect with each other and are so kissy and lovey and whatnot. In fact every single soulmate pair seems to be all over each other on this campus.” Felix gestured to a couple they were walking past, tongues down each other’s throats. “I don’t want to be a disappointment to my soulmate when he finds out I’m asexual. It’s better off that we just never meet.”

“Oh, uh, I see,” Hyunjin unhelpfully stammered, holding open the door to the science building for Felix. In truth, he didn’t really see, but then again, he could never fully understand how Felix felt with being asexual and all. 

Hyunjin didn’t think Seungmin was asexual, he had never mentioned it, had even made sex jokes with the rest of them, when the very thought of sex was enough to make felix violently cringe. If you ever wanted Felix to be instantly uncomfortable, all you had to do was mention the s-word. In public, Felix tried his best to hide how uncomfortable he was when others mentioned their sexual escapades in front of him, but in private Felix wasn’t afraid to let his disgust shine clearly through on his face. 

Seungmin didn’t act like that, though. And while Hyunjin had never heard him mention having sex before, he had also never heard Seungmin say that he didn’t want to have sex. 

For now, Hyunjin decided to keep quiet and find out if Seungmin and Felix were actually soulmates, or if this was all just a creepy coincidence. Plus, they had just entered the classroom and Hyunjin had a boyfriend to greet and a lab to prepare for.

“I hate titrating.”

“Changbin we just started, you can’t declare that you hate titration right off the bat,” Hyunjin scolded, focusing on very slowly letting the NaOH drip into the HCl solution.

“It’s so stupid though, one slip of the hand and you’ve messed everything up. You forget to add the indicator? You’re screwed. Speaking of which, we did add the indicator, right?”

“Yes, I added the indicator. That’s the pink swirl you can see when the NaOH hits the HCl solution,” Felix sighed, carefully watching the solution while Changbin just leaned on the counter, his data table empty as he strongly believed in just copying off of Hyunjin who got his answers from his roommate’s old lab notebook. 

“You know, this would be easier if you had just read what we were supposed to last night.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t, so enlighten me, what did I miss?” 

Hyunjin sighed and Felix responded. “In the long tube, called a buret, is NaOH and in this flask below the buret is an unknown solution of HCl. The goal is to know what the solution of HCl is by neutralizing it with the NaOH. That’s where the indicator comes in, the solution should be a light pink when neutral, if we go too far it turns dark pink, so we have to be really exact. And we’re having a test on this lab procedure, so I really hope you know what’s going on.”

Changbin perked up at that. “Man, I really just need to get my science class out of the way, why is this actually hard?”

Both Hyunjin and Felix sighed loudly. “It wouldn’t be that bad if you just did your work,” Felix muttered.

“Really? Do you have an ‘A’?” Changbin shot back.

“No, but at least I’m passing unlike some people.”

“Fair enough,” Changbin said with a smile, much to Felix’s relief. Felix wasn’t one to argue very often, but this whole soulmate thing had put him on edge, causing him to be more irritable than usual. 

As they were heading out of the lab and to lunch, Changbin slung his arm over Felix’ shoulders, other hand holding Hyunjin’s. “You good buddy? You seemed a little on edge in there,”

Felix ducked his head in shame, “Yeah, sorry about that. I just had some soulmate drama last night and I didn’t get as much sleep as usual last night.”

“And we all know how much Felix needs his beauty sleep,” Changbin joked. “But seriously man, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here. I mean, I may have only dealt with this dumbass over here, but I've been told I give good hugs.”

“Thanks,” Felix looked down at his shoes awkwardly. It wasn’t so much as he needed someone to talk to about his problems, as it was more of he needed someone ace to give him advice on this situation, someone who had experienced the same thing as him. But Felix didn’t know anyone else who was ace and it wasn’t like he was about to put out a flier “calling all asexuals”.

It was stupid, but sometimes Felix thought he was faking it, faking feeling ace. He thought that maybe one day he would wake up and realized that he did feel sexual attraction all along, that his mind had just been playing tricks on him, that maybe this was just some weird phase. Maybe he was being a complete asshole to his soulmate for no reason. But every time Felix thought of replying to his soulmate, of forming that connection, he always freaked out. His breathing would get fast and he could just imagine a bunch of overly sexual scenarios run through his head. He knew what was expected from soulmates this late in the game: kissing at first sight closely followed by a night together, neither of which Felix wanted to do. 

Sometimes Felix would doubt himself, doubt his feelings, his sexual identity, but then he would hear Jisung and Minho make some thinly disguised innuendo and then he was back to being firmly ace. But seriously, there was no way normal people really thought about sex _that_ much, Felix only thought about it when someone else brought it up, but Minho and Jisung seemed to only have that on their mind whenever they saw each other. It was gross.

Felix was so deep in thought, he almost ran into the doorway of the union, but Changbin luckily still had his arm around Felix’s shoulder and saved him from definite embarrassment. 

The union was buzzing with people as it was just past noon, the optimal time for lunch. Normally they would never be able to find a seat under these circumstances, but luckily Chan had arrived before the rush, as he didn’t have any morning classes, and had saved them seats, waving them over from the corner he had scoped out. 

“Thank god you got here early, it’s a madhouse. Reminds me why I never eat in the union.” Changbin slung his backpack into the chair next to Chan and looked around, doubtlessly trying to find the shortest line. 

“You know, I kind of wanted Chick-Fi-La, but that seems out of the question,” Hyunjin groaned looking at the line that roped around the cramped space.

“It’s okay, they’re homophobic anyways. I only eat at places that support the gays,” Changbin said absentmindedly as he continued his scan. “Wait. Hold on. That rhymed! Chan write that down, it could make a sick rap!”

Chan shook his head in response, but still scribbled the lyrics down on the napkin in front of him, magically producing a pen out of thin air. But then again, Chan was always prepared, so it didn’t really come as a surprise to Felix that he was able to scribble down lyrics with a moment’s notice.

Hyunjin, threaded his arm through Felix’s elbow. “C’mon, let’s just go get some tteokbokki, the line is relatively short and Korean food is quite frankly always superior.”

Felix let himself get led away from the table, where Changbin had burst into some impromptu rap that Chan was furiously writing down while throwing out suggestions. No doubt there would be a new 3RACHA song out in the next week or so.

A couple minutes later Hyunjin and Felix returned with their tteokbokki, Hyunjin sliding one of his bowls over to Changbin who was still hunched over the napkin with Chan. Suddenly, Hyunjin ordering two bowls of food made a lot more sense. 

It never failed to amaze Felix how in tune soulmates seemed to be at times. Hyunjin was anticipating Changbin’s needs without the other even having to say anything. In fact, most of the soulmates Felix knew were like that. 

Minho somehow always knew when Jisung was on the verge of breakdown and was by his side within seconds while Jisung had a fail proof intuition that allowed him to know just when Minho was on the brink of injury due to over dancing.

Chan and Woojin always knew when to facetime or call each other, there never was an unanswered call or “bad time to talk” between them as if they somehow just knew each other’s schedules. 

And a part of Felix longed for that, wanted someone that he could cling to when he needed comforting, someone who he could share his thoughts with, someone who could understand him like no one else could. But every time Felix found himself wanting to reach out to his soulmate, fear won over. There was always the possibility that his soulmate was allosexual, someone who could never understand him, someone who Felix could never totally satisfy. The thought of kissing someone made Felix cringe, let alone anything else. There was no way someone could ever love someone who would never enjoy kissing them. 

“Felix? Did you hear what I asked you?” Chan’s voice broke through the fog that was Felix’s mind.

“Hmm?”

Changbin sighed at Felix’s response, clearly this was a conversation that had been going on for a while. But the ever-patient-Chan just repeated his question like nothing had happened. “Hyunjin wanted to know if you were up for a small party this weekend? Nothing crazy, just his roomates, our group and maybe a couple others. We’d have games and food and stuff. No alcohol of course.” Chan set a pointed look towards Changbin. “There will be minors attending and I don’t want to be responsible for underage drinking.”

“You’re such a killjoy,”

“Yeah, I’ll go, is it at your place?” Felix asked, ignoring Changbin’s remark.

“Yes! I’ll be sure to text you all of the details, but I believe that you have class at 1:00?”

“Uh,” Felix looked at his phone. It read 12:50. “Oh crap, I have to go! See you guys in the library later?”

“Changbin and I will be there!” Hyunjin replies with a big wave as Felix gathered his stuff.

“Chan?” he asked as he slung his backpack on his back.

“Uh, I don’t think so, I have some class stuff to do, but Jisung said he could go,” Chan answered, how he knew the whereabouts of Jisung was beyond Felix as he didn’t know where his roommate was most days, but he didn’t have time to question it. 

“Okay, bye guys! I'm excited to meet your roommates this weekend, Hyunjin!” Felix said as he walked as fast as possible out of the student union towards the arts building which housed his next class. 

“You know what, Jeongin? I’m going to do it.”

“Then go for it already, you’ve been debating this for the last hour, Seungmin.”

“Fine, I’ll do it. This time for real.”

“Okay,” Jeongin’s voice was full of doubt as he scribbled down answers to his math homework, clearly fed up with Seungmin’s soulmate drama.

“Okay, I’m going to say ‘hello’, does that sound good?”

“Sure, do it you won’t.”

“Bet.”

And with that Seungmin put the Sharpie to his skin and scribbled out a small ‘hello’ that quickly grew to a sentence and then to a paragraph, taking up the majority of his forearm. “Oops,” Seungmin muttered.

Jeongin glanced up from his work and let out a huff of laughter. “Well you sure did give him a piece of your mind. Good job, I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Oh says the man who hasn’t talked to his soulmate in what? 6 months?”

“Five,” Jeongin muttered, “We’re taking it slow, okay?” 

“And you’re the one lecuring me,”

“Hey, your soulmate speaks the same language as you whereas mine lives in China.” Jeongin spits out, unharcistically upset. “You can just hit up your soulmate whenever you want, whereas we have to do it in secret.”

“Oh crap, Jeongin, I’m so sorry. I had no clue.”

“‘S not your fault,” Jeongin sniffed, wiping at his tears, “I don’t really tell anyone.”

“Yeah,” Seungmin muttered, wrapping his arms around Jeongin. “That really sucks.”

China had closed themselves off from soulmates, especially those from outside the country in 1946 and since then very few people who had a Chinese soulmate were even able to contact them, let alone carry out a conversation. In most cases, it was simply too dangerous with the strict regulations that the government set up. Pretty much the only way you could get into China for business was if you had already found your soulmate, so that there was little risk of foreign soulmate pairings. 

But this explained why Jeongin always shied away from the topic of his soulmate and was double majoring in Business and Chinese, he hoped to be able to communicate with his soulmate and maybe one day get together against all odds.

Jeongin took one last shuddering breath before pulling away from Seungmin. “Since you made me cry do you want to help me with my Stats homework Mr. Engineering Major?”

“Sure,” Seungmin agreed amicably, feeling bad for shaming Jeongin about something that was much more complex than he knew, temporarily forgetting about the long message he had written on his arm.

Felix was sitting in his history of interior design class, taking notes like any dutiful student, when the person next to him suddenly poked him in the arm.

“Yes?” Felix whispered, a tad annoyed.

“Sorry,” the girl who had poked him replied, “it’s just that you soulmate seems to want to tell you something and it seemed kinda important, sorry to bother you.” She pointed to Felix’s arm which was slowly filling up with black ink before returning to her own notes.

Felix cursed under his breath at the sight of his arm, now completely covered in words. Could his soulmate really not take a hint? This guy really was an idiot. Or desperate. Or both.

Felix simply just turned over his arm and then continued to take notes, pretending to be unbothered by the amount of ink that had appeared on his arm, when in reality his mind was whirling. What had his soulmate said? Was it their name? Contact info? Things that Felix could never unsee, that would haunt him forever? What if he already knew his soulmate? It was said that fate pulled you and your soulmate together and Felix going to Korea for his last year of high school and then college when his soulmate was Korean sure was an act of fate. At this point, he wouldn't be surprised his soulmate went to the same college, probably sat next to him in class or something equally ridiculous. 

It would just be Felix’s luck that his soulmate would be someone that he’d have to deal with in close proximity for the next two and a half years. Lord knew he’d had shitty luck with this whole soulmate thing so far. 

The rest of the class passed in a blur as Felix desperately tried to take notes and listen to his professor when his mind was elsewhere, his eyes continually glancing towards his arm that was forearm down on the desk so that no one else could read the words written there. Thank goodness his soulmate was also right handed or else Felix would’ve had a hell of a time hiding words that were written on his writing hand. 

Finally, after what seemed like eons, the professor dismissed the class and Felix practically ran to the bathroom, bag still half unzipped, anxious to see what the hell his asshole of a soulmate had written that was so important as to interrupt him from class.

 _Hello, how are you doing?_ Felix read, happy that the first line seemed amicable enough, _I assume you’re doing just dandy up on your high horse as you just insult me and ignore every message that I send you. You know that this whole soulmate thing works both ways, right? I sure as hell didn't want to end up with an asshole like you just as much as you seem to not have wanted me for some reason. I don’t know what your name is and I hope I never do because you, “soulmate”, are a complete and utter asshole and definitely someone who I don’t want to spend the rest of life with. I hope you burn in hell and that we never have the misfortune of meeting one another -Your “Soulmate”_

Oh, well that took a turn from the nice letter Felix thought it was going to be. But honestly, good riddance, Felix was happy to get rid of his soulmate, this was the best way to end it: before it ever started, this one had the least amount of heartbreak, guaranteed. 

But then again, if this way was so painless, why was Felix crying? There were big, fat tears streaming down his cheeks and Felix had no clue as to why. It was over, this is what he had always wanted, a painless cleavage between him and his soulmate. However Felix’s heart seemed to disagree as tears continued to stream down his face.

Felix’s phone buzzed and he dug it out of his pocket, the screen illuminating his tear streamed face.

It was a text from Hyunjin, telling him to hurry up and get to the library before someone stole the chair they had saved for him. Apparently, it was really busy and Jisung wanted to auction it off to the highest bidder. 

A small smile cracked through the cloudy mood Felix was in and he headed towards the library, sighing at his red and streaky reflection in the mirror. He looked as if he had spent the last 20 minutes crying, which was exactly what he had been doing, but no one needed to know that. Granted, Jisung or Hyunjin was going to notice the minute Felix entered the library, so trying to clean up was futile either way.

Plus, Felix kind of wanted a seat so he hurried over to the library which sat in the center of campus, a sprawling four story building that housed almost all of the books on campus. Each level also had loudness policies, the first the most lenient, and the fourth level being almost silent. 

According to Hyunjin they had snagged a table in the corner of the second floor, a place where they would still talk in lowered tones, but at least they didn't have to full out whisper like the third floor. 

Luckily, Felix managed to find the table fairly easily thanks to Hyunjin’s directions, and the sound of Jiung’s slightly quieted laughter. Jisung really did try, but he was just naturally a lot louder than the average human, so his quiet was about Felix’s normal volume. Hence, why they hadn’t even tried for a table on the third floor--they’d be kicked out in seconds. In fact they usually shot for the first floor, but today all of the tables had been taken. Even now, Changbin was sitting in Hyunjin’s lap. But, then again, that was his preferred spot so that might have been a choice on his part. 

“Oh thank god you’re here Felix, Jisung was so close to selling the right to this chair for 5,000 won,” Hyunjin said as Felix approached the table. 

“Wait, have you been crying? Why have you been crying? What happened? Are you okay? Is there someone I need to fight?” Jisung immediately asked, the minute Felix was close enough for him to see his face, getting increasingly agitated with every question until he was about ready to jump out of his chair, only stopped by Changbin’s hand on his arm.

Felix didn’t have the energy for a lengthy conversation, so he just held out his arm as an answer.

There were audible gasps from around the table as they took in all of the ink on Felix’s arm. 

“That looks like Sharpie, don’t worry, I have hand sanitizer.” Jisung offered pulling a bottle out of his bag like magic.

“Read it Jisung,” Hyunjin hissed, elbowing Jisung in the side.

“I did read it,” Jisung complained, rubbing his side. “It goes ‘hi, hello, you’re thoughtless and mean to me, yada yada’. Now I’m asking Felix if he wants it off his arm or not.”

Hyunjin sighed while Changbin looked deep in thought. The short rapper suddenly took out his phone and snapped a picture of Felix’s arm. 

“What on earth are you doing?” Felix and Hyunjin scream-whispered at the same time. 

“Documenting history. You might want this one day, Felix. And I just sent it to Chan as he is like the dad of this group.”

“Don’t bother Chan, he said he had work to do,” Felix groaned, burying his face in his hands. The last thing he needed right now was a worried Chan rushing over and putting Felix before any of his schoolwork. He didn’t need Chan failing a class weighing on his conscience. 

“His phone is on Do Not Disturb, don’t worry. Chan’ll see this when he’s done with his project. And this way you can wipe that mess off your arm without worry.”

“You know, for once you actually did something smart. Good job soulmate.” Hyunjin complimented Changbin.

“Thank you, eternal-pain-in-my-ass,” Changbin replied, earning a swat on the arm from Hyunjin that caused Jisung to groan.

“That’s gross guys.”

“As if you and Minho are any better,” Felix muttered as he furiously rubbed hand sanitizer on his arm, causing ink to run everywhere.

“Hey, Minho and I aren’t _that_ bad,” Jisung complained as Hyunjin silently handed Felix some napkins to help with the mess he was making.

“Of course you aren’t,” Changbin mocked while making kissing noises, earning another swat on the arm from Hyunjin.

“What are you? Two? Now focus, we need to figure out what we’re going to do about this.”

“Don’t reply?” Jisung suggested.

“That didn’t work last time,” Felix shot down.

“Send back an equally scathing message?” Changbin chimed in.

“No, I don’t want to get into an argument on our arms.”

“How about on your leg?”

“Still no,”

“Okay, what if you explained yourself? It was clear up a lot and then you and your soulmate would be on the same page! It could solve a lot of your problems,” Hyunjin looked excited about his suggestion, but it too was immediately shot down.

“No, that’s too risky,”

“He’s right, though, you two would at least both be on the same page and it could clear up the conception he had of you right now,” Jisung unhelpfully pointed out.

“No. It’s still a no.”

“But--”

“I said no. You guys don’t understand, what if he rejects me?”

“Then you go back to not talking?”

“No, I wouldn’t be able to live with the rejection of my soulmate, the one person who is supposed to understand me, who I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with. And what if it turns out that I’m not ace? Then I have to awkwardly explain to my soulmate that whoops, I do experience sexual attraction and as it turns out we can have a normal relationship,” Felix’s voice got rawer and rawer as he talked, his emotion heavily seeping through into his words. 

“Felix, a ‘normal’ relationship doesn’t exist. There is not a set of rules that you have to follow in order to be together, in order to be soulmates. Kissing and sex don’t need to be anywher in the conversation,” Hyunjin spoke, voice calm, trying to soothe his friend.

“Really? So you would be fine without being attached to Changbin every second? Jisung would be fine without kissing Minho every time they see each other? All of you would be fine without the sexual aspects of your relationships?”

There was a beat of silence.

“That’s what I thought,” Felix whispered hoarsely. “I’m going to go.” And with that Felix was gone. He grabbed his bag and fled, tears burning at his eyes for the second time that day. This was awful, this wasn’t fair. Why did he have to be ace? Why did he have to struggle through all of this? Why couldn't he just be normal? Or even why couldn’t he just be willing to be himself? Plenty of people could do it, be ace, why couldn’t he?

Maybe it was because of the look on his mom’s face as he told her what asexual meant, how she said “How sad, sex is such an important part on realtionships though.” After that he hadn’t dared tell her that he identified as “such a sad person”.

Maybe it was the fact that he was the only virgin he knew that was this old. That everyone else had been talking about their sexscapades in high school, something that Felix found absolutely revolting. 

Maybe it was because every movie about soulmates ended with a kiss, the fact that sex was written into their very system, the fact that Freud thought that sexual desire was as natural as hunger.

Whatever it was, it drove Felix to an empty park bench where he dug around in his backpack until he finally found a marker. It drove him to write a small _sorry, I'm a mess_ on his arm before collapsing into sobs, knowing that his soulmate would never want him now.

  
  
  


If Seungmin was being completely honest, when he wrote the message on his arm he wasn’t really expecting a response from his soulmate, just figured whoever it was to just continue on with their day, unbothered, how they seemed to be with everything. However, that hadn’t been the case.

It was halfway through his Calc III homework when Seungmin noticed that the words on his arm were disappearing, finally being wiped off. It was expected, his soulmate seemed to have a special skill for getting Sharpie off of his arm. 

But then Jeongin looked up from his own homework, his eyebrows furrowing as he spotted Seungmin’s arm. “That’s not your handwriting.”

Seungmin looked down in surprise. Jeongin was right, that was not his own small, neat handwriting on his arm, but rather a couple words written in a sloppy hurry spanning across his forearm. _Sorry I’m a mess_ the letters read. It was enough to make Seungmin stop in the middle of his triple integral despite the fact that there was a quiz tomorrow.

“Sorry, I’m a mess,” Jeongin read over Seungmin’s shoulder. “What does that mean?”

“I’m not sure. I suppose this is his explanation for years of silence and pain. Does he even think about anyone other than himself?”

“Maybe it’s something out of his control?” 

“Then why would he be so mean?” Seungmin turned to face Jeongin, “He could have said this earlier, could explain himself, could oh I don't know, maybe put some effort into this? Maybe just a little bit more effort than none at all?”

Jeongin shrugged, “Well I mean you clearly made him feel bad?”

“Good. He deserves to feel bad.” Seungmin turned back to his homework. “Now I have to figure out how the hell to do spherical coordinates before my quiz tomorrow, so maybe my soulmate will go back to being quiet so that I can focus.”

“This is just going to have to be Hyunjin’s problem when he comes back from the library,” Jeongin muttered, returning to his own desk.

Hyunjin returned an hour later, exhausted, but the minute he saw the expression on Jeongin’s and Seungmin’s faces his face morphed into one of worry. “What happened?” He asked, dropping his bag and heading towards Seungmin’s desk at Jeongin’s pointed nod. “Seungmin, what’s wrong?”

“It’s fine,” Seungmin gritted out. “I have to do physics and I don’t have time for stupid soulmate stuff. He doesn't even matter anyways, I’ll be fine without a soulmate.”

“Seungmin, you don’t even have physics tomorrow, and your homework is always due Sunday at midnight. You’re clearly upset, what happened with your soulmate?”

Seungmin wordlessly held out his arm and Hyunjin had to bite back a gasp as he recognized Felix’s handwriting scrawled across his roommate’s arm.

“Oh,” Hyunjin took a moment to think of what to say as his brain moved at 100 kmph trying to reconcile the fact that Seungmin and Felix were soulmates. “Well, maybe if you write him back he will answer this time? I mean it looks like he feels bad?”

Seungmin spun around in his chair, pen held tightly in his white-knuckded grasp. “But what if he doesn’t respond? Then we’re just in the same place as always: me pining after someone who will never want me.”

“I mean, he responded this time?” Hyunjin was helpless, trying desperately to figure out what to do, what to say. The soulmate that had been the bane of Seungmin’s existence for all of these years was _Felix_. Felix who was soft and kind and lit up a room with his smile. Felix who was too scared of rejection to reach out. Sure, Hyunjin had suspected that maybe Felix and Seungmin were soulmates, but everything had happened too fast for Hyunjin to think about it too much and now the evidence was staring him right in the face. 

Seungmin threw himself onto his bed with a groan. “I think that I just need to accept the fact that I'm going to be alone forever. My soulmate clearly hates me.”

“I wouldn’t necessarily say that, maybe they’re just going through a rough time? They did say that they were sorry?” Hyunjin climbed up onto Seungmin’s bed and opened up his arms for the younger to crawl into. 

“So what? They’ve been having a really rough time for the past three years? They couldn’t reach out, couldn’t say something nice for the past three years? Anything would have done, but no they had to say that they didn’t want anything to do with me, had to tell me to go away, made me feel awful.” Seungmin buried his face in Hyunjin’s shoulder as he began to cry. “I just wanted to have a great soulmate like you do, Hyunjin. Someone nice who cares for me, likes me, someone who I can talk to, have fun with. But, no, instead I have someone who hates me.”

Hyunjin just silently rubbed Seungmin’s back as he cried. He couldn’t think of anything to say to Seungmin that would make things better. What was he supposed to say? ‘I’m sorry that my idiot friend made you feel this way? He’s just too terrified of rejection to reach out and in his fear he inadvertently made you feel inadequate?’ That probably wouldn’t go over well.

Maybe if Hyunjin got Felix and Seungmin together things would get better? They could become friends and then realize they were soulmates? There was the party at Chan’s that everyone was invited to, maybe that would work? Hyunjin had no clue what to do, but that seemed the most feasible. He’d tell Seungmin and Jeongin about the party tomorrow when Seungmin was feeling better and hopefully get Felix to also attend. And maybe, just maybe things would work out for the two of them. 

  
  


“You know, that was just a tad over dramatic” Jisung said as he wrapped Felix up in his arms. 

They were back in their dorm, seated on Jisung’s bed, Felix curled up next to Jisung, black ink still scrawled across his left arm as he allowed Jisung to manhandle him into a better position for the other to run his hands through Felix’s hair the way that he liked it. 

“Running off like that? You had us all worried, I bet you didn’t even look when you crossed the street, did you?”

Felix didn’t answer. He hadn't looked, but Jisung already knew that.

“Luckily, you don’t have the most secret of hiding spots and we found you within ten minutes. You know, Hyunjin and I took off after you pretty quickly and poor Changbin had to collect both of our bags for us? It was a good use of all of his muscle that Hyunjin is always boasting about, though. I don’t know if you noticed, but he looked quite ridiculous carrying three backpacks.”

Felix hadn’t noticed, but he also had kind of been wrapped up in his own world and own problems at the time, wallowing in self pity.

“And I’ve been thinking about what you said in the library about being ace and fearing rejection and you know, I bet your soulmate won’t mind. Like sure Minho and I obviously have more than just a romantic relationship and so do Hyunjin and Changbin, but not all soulmates are the same. I’m sorry Hyunjin, but I could just not deal with the amount of whining that is Changbin. Have you ever noticed that? How he just goes on and on with all of his complaining?” Jisung shuddered. “I could never.”

“But anyways, my point is every soulmate pair is different. What works for Chan and Woojin definitely wouldn’t work for me and Minho. So just because other soulmates have sexual relationships doesn’t mean that you and your soulmate have to, or that he will even want to, you know what I’m saying?”

“Mmhm,” Felix mumbled. There was a lot more to it than that but he didn’t really feel like talking, so simply agreeing with Jisung seemed to be the best course of action. 

Jisung, of course, saw right through Felix. “I know that you don't believe me right now, but trust me, there’s a lot more to this whole soulmate thing than just chance, there’s a reason why the universe makes people soulmates.” 

“Sure.”

Jisung sighed at Felix’s reluctance to accept what he was saying. “I’ll let you off for right now, but only because you’re going to be having a talk with Chan tomorrow.”

“You texted him?” It was the most awake Felix had sounded their whole conversation.

“Changbin did once you left, you know he tells Chan everything.”

Felix sighed before settling back into Jisung’s arms. “I can’t wait for a lecture tomorrow.”

“It’ll be more of a heart to heart, Chan only lectures when he’s mad and right now he’s probably more worried or disappointed.”

“Hmm,” Felix muttered, sinking even further down into Jisung’s embrace as exhaustion pulled down on his eyelids.

Jisung stroked Felix’s hair comfortingly. “Go to sleep, you can worry about stuff in the morning.”

Felix woke up to his first class alarm the next morning—something that almost never happened as he usually liked to get up early on the days he didn’t have his dance class to practice in the studio, but Jisung must have turned that alarm off sometime last night, probably worried about Felix’s lack of sleep or something equally silly.

Then, Felix’s pillow moved and he realized that he’d fallen asleep on Jisung’s bed, cuddling with the other. 

“Ugh, what time is it?” Jisung groaned, rubbing at his eyes.

“9:00.” Felix grabbed his phone, internally groaning at the message from Chan telling Felix to meet him in his apartment at 5:15 so that they could talk.

“Why you want to wake up 30 minutes before your class starts is beyond me.” Jisung complained, rolling out of his bed just to sit on the floor in a disgruntled heap. “Like, sure, my first class starts at 9:30 too, but I'm not up until 9:20 and that’s only because it takes me 7 minutes to walk there.”

“That’s because you don’t care how you look,” Felix stated as he grabbed his clothes and headed to the bathroom, much more awake than Jisung, and still kind of mad that his earlier alarm was turned off. 

“Hey! I do care, ask Minho,” Jisung called after Felix who was already disappearing into the bathroom. 

Twenty minutes later, Felix returned, freshly showered with his hair done to find Jisung still sitting in the same heap by the base of his bed, hair sticking up all over the place. 

Felix nudged his roommate with his foot, “It’s 9:20, do you want to get up yet?”

“Hmm, I guess,” Jisung muttered and then climbed to his feet, grabbed his bag, and then stumbled out of their dorm, still half asleep. 

Felix sighed after Jisung’s retreating form before he too grabbed his bag and left, not at all excited for the chem lecture that awaited him. At least Hyunjin and Changbin would be there to keep things interesting. 

When Felix entered the lecture hall, Hyunjin and Changbin were already there, waving frantically at Felix to sit next to them as if he ever sat anywhere else. 

Once Felix made his way over to the seat they saved for him, Changbin was instantly up and wrapping Felix in a hug. “Don’t worry about anything in this class, I’ll take all of your notes for you. In fact, you can just go back to sleep.”

“Yeah, as if he wants your notes, you’re just trying to pass whereas Felix wants an ‘A’ you dumbass.” Hyunjin jokingly hit Changbin on the arm.

“Oh yeah? I can take great notes, I’ll have you know,” Changbin said, pulling Hyunjin into his arms as well.

“Get off of me,” Hyunjin whined, “Professor Jeon just arrived and I actually want to learn something for once.”

Changbin reluctantly released his death grip on Hyunjin and Felix, but still sat through the entire lecture holding Hyunjin’s hand with his other arm wrapped around Felix’s shoulders. Needless to say, Changbin did not actually take any notes that day. 

Felix finished his last class at 4:00 which left him an hour and fifteen minutes before he had to face Chan. 

It wasn’t that Chan was scary or mean. It was just that he was so calm and understanding, never judged Felix. That and he always wanted to talk about emotions and stuff when Felix really didn’t want to. Felix would be fine with bottling up all of his emotions and never thinking about them again, but Chan always made him take them out and think through his actions. It was needed, but absolutely exhausting. 

An hour later, Felix found himself being enveloped into the warm hug that awaited him the minute he crossed the threshold into Chan’s apartment. 

“Tell me everything,” Chan said, sitting Felix down on the couch, the apartment empty since Minho was at the dance studio and Changbin was at his part-time job at a nearby restaurant, something that he hated doing, but refused to quit on principle or something like that. Felix never understood Changbin’s reasoning.

Felix sighed at Chan, sinking back into the couch. “You saw what he said. There’s really nothing else to say.”

“Yeah, but how are you feeling now? What he said clearly upset you, otherwise Changbin wouldn’t have texted me.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Do you want to think about it while I make tea?”

“That sounds great.”

“I’ll be right back,” Chan ruffled Felix’s hair before heading to the kitchen to make a fruit tea for Felix and black tea for himself, a caffeine boost always needed for Chan’s functionality. 

When Chan returned with the two steaming cups of tea, Felix was ready to tell Chan what had happened, his fingers playing with the drawstrings on his sweat pants as he spoke.

Felix told Chan everything that had occurred in the past day and a half: what his soulmate had written, fleeing the library, the quick sorry he had scribbled on his arm, how he felt as if his soulmate was going to reject him, leave him living all alone. “I could talk to my soulmate, meet up with him, but what if he hates me? What if he thinks being ace is weird? What if he leaves me and never comes back, condemning me to a life of loneliness. I don’t want to risk it.”

After he finished, there was a beat of silence as Chan sipped his tea, deep in thought. “As I see it,” he slowly started, “You’re afraid of rejection so you in turn reject your soulmate, making your fear a reality for them. You tend to only think of how you’re feeling, but what about them? You are terrified of being rejected by your soulmate, yet you’re making them live through that very same rejection you dread.”

“Oh,” Felix paused, “I never thought about it like that.”

“It’s always good to remember that relationships are two way streets, you aren’t the only one who is affected by this. There is a whole other person out there broken hearted because their soulmate rejected them without even trying to learn their name. There’s always two sides to every coin, Felix, and maybe it’s time that you put yourself out there for your soulmate. You may be scared, but he probably is too and you owe him an explanation.”

“And if he hates me?”

Chan sighed, “He might. You haven’t exactly been the nicest person to him.”

Felix groaned. “What do I even say to him?”

“That’s for you to figure out.”

“You’re only saying that because you have no clue what to say.”

“Or maybe it’s because he’s your soulmate and the words should be authentically yours.”

Felix leaned his head on Chan’s shoulder. “Uh-huh.”

They sat in silence for a minute, Felix mulling over what Chan had said, contemplating if it really was worth it to talk to his soulmate, mend their broken relationship. But Felix was also scared. The last message his soulmate had sent him seemed very final, had made it very clear that his soulmate never wanted to talk to Felix ever again, would be happy to never even think of him again. Then again, his soulmate had previously made an effort, so maybe he would accept Felix’s apology? Or was that the straw that broke the camel’s back, the end of their relationship that had never even started?

Chan broke off Felix’s chain of thought by tapping him on the shoulder. “Before I forget, you’re coming to my party this weekend, right?”

“Do I have to?”

“It would be good for you to get out of the slump you’ve fallen into. Plus, it won’t be that many people, you’ll know most of them. Hyunjin even got his roommates to come so we can finally meet them.”

“Hmm, I’ll think about it.”

\-----------------------------------------

The rest of the week passed like normal, Chan’s words weighing heavily on Felix’s mind. There had been several times that Felix had picked up a Sharpie, ready to write a message to his soulmate, but then had chickened out right before the marer actually reached his skin, too afraid that he would make things worse, cause his soulmate to hate him even more.

Saturday rolled around and Felix had no intention of going to Chan’s party. That just sounded like too much stress and too much talking. Felix just wanted to rest alone at the dorm for the night and leave the partying to everyone else. 

However, Jisung had a different plan. 

“Feeeelix,” he whined, head hanging off of his bed, looking at Felix upside down. “You have to go.”

“I have homework.”

“I call BS.”

“I actually do though. We’re literally in college, there’s always homework to do.”

“But you don’t have to do it right this instant.”

Felix sighed. “Jisung I don’t want to go to the party. I want to curl up in a blanket and be left alone for the rest of the night, not have to socialize with people.” 

“I’m calling Hyunjin and telling him that you aren’t coming because you hate him and his roommates.”

Felix ran over to Jisung to grab his phone, but somehow he managed to get to and upright position, standing on his bed faster than Felix could run, holding the phone slightly out of Felix’s reach.

“Please don’t call Hyunjin to tell him that. He’s such a drama king that I’ll never hear the end of it and his roommates are going to think I'm some weird recluse.”

“So you’re coming?” Jisung asked with a wicked smile on his face. “I just want to remind you that out of the two of us, I’m the introvert.”

“Yes, I’m going to go.”

“Great! I’ll go get my makeup,” Jisung exclaimed, jumping off of the bed and bounding into the bathroom to retrieve his makeup bag. “I was thinking sparkly highlighter over your freckles.”

Felix just sighed in response. “I really don't care, do your worst.”

An hour later they were ready, Felix sporting a very sparkly face, a pastel oversized shirt, and a pair of jeans. Apparently Jisung had dressed Felix ‘according to his personality’.

Jisung did not do the same to himself as he had outlined his eyes in black and wore a jean jacket, saying that it made him look badass, but Felix was pretty sure nothing could make his tiny, squishy cheeked friend look formidable. 

“Don’t give me that look. Minho likes it when I dress like this,” Jisung said as he put the finishing touches on his eyeliner.

“False. You like it and therefore Minho likes it,” Felix commented from where he sat on the floor, still moping about being forced to attend Chan’s party. “There’s a difference.”

Jisung just ignored Felix and finished his makeup, everything about it looking stunning as always. Jisung picked up his phone to put it back in his pocket, stealing a glance at the screen. “Crap,”

“What?”

“Minho wants us to hurry up and says he’s going to mess up my makeup to get my attention if I don’t text him back.” Jisung’s fingers moved furiously on the screen of his phone, assumably texting Minho that they were finally on their way. “I’m telling Minho that you're the reason we’re late, okay? Thanks.”

Felix just sighed in response and let Jisung drag him out of the door. It really wasn’t his fault in the slightest that Jisung took forever to do his makeup, but whatever made his roommate happy at this point. Maybe if he played along he could convince Jisung to leave early. 

As they walked, Jisung rambled on about school or something, Felix wasn’t really paying attention, stuck in his own thoughts. 

Felix’s thoughts drifted over to something Jisung had said earlier about Minho messing up his makeup. How did makeup work with soulmates? He had never really thought about it before. But then again, you didn’t usually see guys walking around with a full face, or any makeup for that matter, so there had to be something different about it.

“Wait Jisung, how does makeup work?”

“Well foundation is the base and mascara makes your eyelashes longer and--”

“No,” Felix playfully bumped Jisung with his shoulder. “I meant with soulmates and stuff because you said that Minho could mess it up.”

“Yeah, he can and has messed up my makeup before because he’s a scoundrel. But the reason my makeup doesn’t show up on him is because some substances don’t transfer across the soul bond and makeup companies have taken advantage of that fact and used those things in makeup.”

“But then how does Minho mess up your makeup?”

“He draws on his face with Sharpie or marker or something so that I have to wash my face to get it off and in the process take off some of my makeup. It’s okay though, sometimes I do my eyeliner with Sharpie to get back at him.”

“That actually annoys him?” Minho didn’t seem like the type of person to get pressed over some eyeliner.

“No, not really, but it does make me feel better.”

“Sure,” Felix would add more, but they had finally reached the apartment Chan, Minho, and Changbin shared. From the sounds of things the party had already begun, music thumping softly through the door, low enough that they most likely wouldn’t get any noise complaints. 

Jisung pushed open the door to reveal that they were the last to arrive, Hyunjin and his roommates already seated on the couch, mingling with the others. 

However, everyone turned to face them as Jisung and Felix entered, conversation halting. 

Minho was the first to say something, running over to Jisung and reaching up to brush a finger over his soulmate’s eyelid. “There, it looks better smudged.” He said with a smirk

“Lee Minho I will kill you,” Jisung threatened, causing Minho to laugh and Jisung to pout.

“See Jeongin? I told you they were worse than Changbin and I,” Hyunjin said to the black haired person sitting next to him.

“That’s still debatable,” Jeongin replied with a heartbreaking smile. Felix already liked him.

So did Chan, judging by the way the older practically burst at the cuteness in front of him, smiling so big his eyes almost disappeared. 

“He’s even cuter when he laughs,” Hyunjin’s other roommate stated, tickling Jeongin’s side causing a high pitched giggle to come out of Jeongin’s mouth.

“It looks like I’m going to have to adopt two more children,” Chan muttered, clutching at his heart. 

“Felix, come sit down over here,” Changbin gestured to the empty space next to him. “Then we can start introductions and play the games we prepared.”

“And eat,” Minho chimed in, from the chair where he and Jisung had finally settled, the eyeliner on both of Jisung’s eyes slightly smudged. Felix had to admit that Minho was right that it was a better look than the sharp lines Jisung had made earlier. “Chan wouldn’t let us eat until you got here.

“Anyways, introductions.” Chan clapped his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Felix, Jisung, tell Jeongin and Seungmin who you are.”

Jisung groaned something about how Chan had already given everything away, but started off the introductions nonetheless. “I’m Jisung and I’m a sophomore.”

“As if they didn’t already know that,” Minho muttered.

“I’m Felix and also a sophomore. I’m majoring in interior design and minoring in dance.”

“I like your accent,” the brown-haired person on the other side of Felix said. “Seungmin, by the way. Mechanical engineering.”

“And I’m Jeongin, a freshman.”

“He’s just a baby.” Seungmin squeezed Jeongin’s cheeks, earning a glare from the younger that wasn’t intimidating in the slightest.

Jeongin looked about ready to jump Seungmin when Minho interrupted them. “Okay great, now that introductions are out of the way, who’s ready to order pizza?”

“But before we start, I need to know if Jeongin and Seungmin are heathens or not because I know Felix and Jisung are lost causes. Do you guys like pineapple on pizza?”

“No, that’s gross,” Jeongin made a face, earning a high five from Changbin.

“I like it,” Seungmin confidently declared.

“I knew I liked you,” Jisung replied, almost getting himself kicked off of Minho’s lap.

Chan just sighed. “I’m ordering one pineapple pizza, you guys can either take it or leave it, there will be three other choices.”

Changbin muttered something about how the mere presence of pineapple on pizza was enough to make him lose his appetite, but reluctantly agreed when Hyunjin whispered something in his ear. Felix had no clue whether it was a threat or a bribe, but whatever it was, it worked quite well. Changbin didn’t even complain when the pizza arrived and the first one he opened was pineapple. 

It didn’t take long for everyone to figure out which slice was theirs and make their way back to the living room, plates laden with pizza.

“See Seungmin, aren’t you glad you came?” Hyunjin asked, elbowing Seungmin on their way back to the couch, he probably meant to speak softly, but hYunjin’s volume control was awful and everyone heard what he said.

“You didn’t want to meet us, Seungmin?” Jisung asked, eyes wide in fake hurt. “That’s okay, neither did Felix.” Felix was then attacked by Jisung’s bony elbow jabbing into his ribs. 

Hyunjin laughed. “I had to bribe Seungmin with us staying off his bed for the next month. What did you say to Felix?”

“I told him that I would make him out to be a horrible person if he didn’t come.”

“And then you did his makeup,” Hyunjin smiled knowingly. “It looks good, though.”

“Yeah, I like your freckles,” Seungmin complimented, causing Felix to blush and hide his reddening face in his hands.

“Thanks,” he muttered from between his fingers.

“I’m sorry about him,” Jisung said, “he never quite learned how to take compliments.”

Felix’s face turned even more red as everyone laughed, Changbin hitting him on the back good naturedly and Seungmin snickering into his hand. Felix was about ready to die on the spot. Only he could be so awkward and embarrassing the first time he met someone.

Luckily, the conversation moved on quickly enough and Felix was able to finish his pizza in peace. 

Eventually, everyone was done eating and Chan was proposing a game of Uno. Of course that sparked a debate over which rules to play by that had to be solved by rock paper scissors. In the end, they said that stacking +2 and +4 cards was allowed but none of the weird switching cards when a 7 or 0 was played because Jisung complained that it just hurt his brain to think about it. 

After one chaotic round it was quickly found out that Seungmin was not above looking at other people’s cards and that Jeongin was willing to exploit his maknae status to get Chan to do what he wanted. However in the end Minho won, probably due to the fact that he “had to grab something from the kitchen” and looked at everyone’s cards on his way there. 

“You cheated,” Jisung complained as Minho set down his last card.

“Maybe you shouldn't sit in my lap where I can see your cards then,” Minho retorted.

Jisung pouted in response, but didn’t move from his spot, so he clearly didn’t care that much.

Felix’s downfall had been Hyunjin saying “trust me, just take the fall” before putting down a wild +4 and choosing the one color that Felix somehow didn’t have. He really should’ve learned long ago not to trust anyone, even Chan.

After Uno Hyunjin suggested playing ‘truth or dare’ which Jisung enthusiastically agreed to. Felix was reluctant to play, but it only took minimal convincing for him to be on board. Besides, as Hyunjin pointed out, he could always choose truth instead of dare. 

The game started off mildly enough with Chan choosing dare first and having to lick his foot and Changbing picking truth and having to list out three things he loved about Hyunjin. That of course ended in a kiss that caused everyone to voice their disgust.

However, as the night progressed, the dares and truths got wilder and wilder. Felix found himself having to expose some of the questionable things he did with his friends back in Australia and several people ended up without their shirts for the rest of the night.

When it got around to Felix on what they had agreed was the last round, he finally picked dare.

“Hmm, I dare you to write a message to your soulmate,” Hyunjin said.

“I take it back. I pick truth.” Hyunjin was playing dirty and he knew it judging by the look on his face.

“You can’t take it back,” Changbin protested, sitting shirtless on Chan’s lap, both actions the result of dares.

“But this is just plain mean and he knows it,” Felix protested. “This is on another level.”

“What happened with his soulmate?” Jeongin whispered to Jisung.

“They’re not on speaking terms,” Jisung replied, throwing a Sharpie to Hyunjin. Felix had absolutely no clue why Jisung could just materialize Sharpies out of thin air, but then again maybe he didn’t want to know what Minho and Jisung were always writing to each other. Knowing them, it was probably something weird.

Suddenly, Felix’s arm was seized by Hyunjin who frantically scribbled on it as much as possible before Felix yanked his arm away, cursing Hyunjin’s name.

Before Felix could really get going, a gasp came from his other side. It was Seungmin. His arm now had the same scribbles on it as Felix’s. They were soulmates.

After that, everything seemed to happen at once. Seungmin sprinted out of the apartment, the door slamming behind him. Hyunjin was up off of the couch too and chasing after Seungmin. Jeongin sat in surprise for a second before he too left. 

Jisung wsa suddenly at Felix’s side, a hand on his back saying something to him, but Felix couldn’t discern the words over the roaring in his ears. The world seemed to be crashing down around him.

He had found his soulmate. And they had gotten along, laughed together, ate pizza together. But this was also the soulmate that despised Felix, hated his guts. The soulmate that he had ignored, destroyed their chances at a relationship. It was funny how fate came back to bite you in the butt at the worst of times.

“Felix, Felix, are you okay?” Felix looked up to see Chan’s face hovering above his, worry written into the lines of his face.

“I-I just need a second.”

“Take all the time you need.” Chan rubbed Felix’s back reassuringly as Felix tried his best to get his emotions under control.

It felt as if the whole world was spinning out of control; this wasn’t how he was supposed to meet his soulmate. Soulmates were supposed to like each other, but Felix supposed he ruined any chance of that happening ever since he broke off communication between them all those years ago. 

Chan pulled Felix into a hug, his arms wrapping tight around Felix’s smaller frame. “You’ll figure it out. It’ll all be okay in the end.”

Felix doubted that, but he let Chan hold him, his tears streaking down Chan’s bare skin as he had been one of the people dared to take off his shirt. 

Several minutes passed before Felix finally lifted his tear stained face out of Chan’s shoulder. His red rimmed eyes met Chan’s as he asked “Did I mess everything up? Is it over now? Is there no hope for Seungmin and I anymore?”

Chan’s voice was confident as he responded. “Seungmin will come around eventually. He’s just surprised and hurt right now, give him time, let Hyunjin talk to him. There’s probably a lot of explaining in your future, but for now you have to wait until Seungmin is ready to talk to you.”

“And if that never happens?”

“It’ll happen. Hyunjin is his roommate and he’s definitely heard good things about you. I promise that Seungmin will come around eventually.”

Arms wrapped around Felix’s back. “Not every soulmate pair gets along right away, you know,” Jisung said. “Fate works in mysterious ways.”

Minho playfully hit Jisung on the back of his head. “Your philosophical bullshit isn’t helping at the moment Sungie.”

“He needs cuddles, not an analysis of the universe,” Changbin declared, snuggling up to Felix’s side. Admittedly, it did make him feel a little better to know that he was surrounded by his supportive friends. 

Eventually, they added pillows and blankets to their cuddle pile and ended up falling asleep on the floor, tangled up with one another, Felix in the center of it all. 

\--------------------------------------

When Felix saw Hyunjin next he asked him how Seungmin was doing, but all he got was a shrug and “he’ll talk to you when he’s ready” in response.

Realistically, Felix knew that Seungmin was going to have to be the one to reach out to him and he simultaneously wanted that to happen as quickly and as slowly as possible. He was terrified that when Seungmin was ready to talk that he was going to tell Felix to get lost, but then again, the suspense of not knowing was killing him. 

Felix wished that there was a way that he could skip over this art and fast forward to the end of his story, see if everything was going to turn out okay. However, real life was not a movie and Felix had to live through every painful second before he could get to the end. 

But then again, maybe this was some sort of poetic justice. Seungmin had to wait in suspense all those years until Felix finally responded to him and even then, Felix had been insensitive and cold. 

After years of giving Seunmgin the cold shoulder, Felix probably deserved this.

“What are you thinking about?” Hyunjin asked after practice. “You’ve been stuck in your head this whole time.”

“Do you think I deserve sEungmin after being so rude to him?” Felix blurted out.

“Whoah,” Hyunjin said, “Give me a sec, I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I mean, I was kinda awful to Seungmin and ghosted him for years. Do I really deserve him?” Felix stared hard at the floor, his eyes burning with unshed tears. E had really messed up this soulmate thing, hadn’t he?

“I think that’s for Seungmin to decide, to be completely honest. He’s the one that you hurt, so he has to decide to forgive you. But I think you should know that I knew that you two were soulmates and I never would’ve introduced Seungmin to you if I thought that you didn't deserve him. You definitely have some apologizing and explaining to do, but I think that you and Seungmin could work out.”

“But what about me being asexual? He still doesn’t know that. What if he rejects me after he finds out?”

Hyunjin shrugged, “That’s for you and Seungmin to figure out. But for now, you and I really need to get to chem. I love him, but Changbin is useless in that class.”

\-------------------------------------------

A week later Felix got a text from an unknown number:

_Hi, this is Seungmin, do you want to meet at the cafe at the union to talk tomorrow at noon?_

Felix’s heart stopped and he replied with a simple ‘sure’ before he could chicken out. This was really happening. He was really going to see Seungmin tomorrow.

Already butterflies felt as if they were going to gnaw through Felix’s stomach. This was either going to go spectacularly or horribly. 

The rest of the night Felix was incredibly unproductive, spending the whole time practically attached to Jisung’s side, the physical touch helping to ease his anxiety. Luckily, Jisung didn’t mind and was more than happy to give Felix head pats and distract him by talking about the song he, Changbin, and Chan were working on.

To be honest, Felix only understood half the words that were coming out of Jisung’s mouth as his one year of band in middle school was not nearly enough to teach him the kind of music theory that was coming out of Jisung’s mouth. But just having someone to listen to was enough to help quell the nervousness that was dubbing out of his stomach and Felix drifted off into a soft sleep curled into Jisung’s side.

\------------------------------------

At noon Felix found himself standing in the union, hands shaking as he played with the strap of his backpack as he looked for Sengmin.

Felix spotted his soulmate sitting by the window, fingers tapping on the table as his eyes scanned the crowd, when he spotted Felix, he gave a little wave.

A wave was friendly, right? It meant good things? Felix sure hoped so as he slid into the seat across from Seungmin, his heart ready to beat out of his chest.

“So, uh, I guess I should start this off by saying that I was ready to have nothing to do with my soulmate ever again, but Hyunjin convinced me to give you a chance, so here I am. You were nice at the party, so I’m going to give you an opportunity to explain yourself and then we can go from there.”

Seungmin was very blunt, but Felix appreciated that there was no beating around the bush with him, it was easy for him to tell where he stood with Seungmin. 

Felix took a deep breath and then started telling his story from the beginning, how at first he wrote on his arm everyday, excited to find his soulmate, but then he realized that he was different from his other classmates, that he was asexual. He them went on to tell Seungmin that he was terrified that his soulmate was going to reject him for being ace, so he just decided to shut down any sort of relationship before it started. 

“So basically, I was a complete ass to you because I was afraid of rejection, but now I realize that I basically did to you what I feared the most and that was really shitty of me. So I completely understand if you want nothing to do with me. I know I wouldn’t if I was you.” Felix finished, staring down at the table, scared of what he would find in Seungmin’s eyes.

“You’re telling me that all of this was because you’re ace?” There was a hint of a smile in Seungmin’s voice that caused Felix to look up in surprise.

“Yes?”

Seungmin shook his head. “Felix, I’m ace too.”

“Really? Hyunjin never said anything.”

“That’s because you’re the only other person besides me who knows. I never told anyone for the same reason you lashed out at me: I was afraid of people’s reactions. I’ve seen lots of hate online towards people who are ace, so I just decided to keep it to myself.”

“Oh,” Felix really wasn’t expecting this turn of events. Maybe Jisung was onto something when he said that fate was always right. 

“This of course doesn’t mean that everything is okay between us because your words did hurt me and I imagine my response wasn’t the best thing to read either,” Seungmin winced, “But I was thinking that maybe we could start over? I mean to be honest as I was thinking about this situation over this week I realized that Hyunjin always described you as a literal ball of sunshine and we got along well at the party, so maybe you deserve a second chance.”

Felix smiled for the first time since he sat down. “You know, I think that would be good for us. Maybe we could just start with being friends? Get to know each other better? We can take things at our own pace, see what happens from there”

Seungmin returned Felix’s smile with one of his own. “That sounds great.” He held out his fist for a fist bump. “To new beginnings.”

Felix returned the gesture, feeling hopeful for the first time in a while. “To new beginnings.”

**Author's Note:**

> i'm ace so this is mainly based off of mine and a couple of my friends experiences with being asexual
> 
> i really hoped you liked this fic! please leave a comment if you did!
> 
> [artwork](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1eJdkOu02JiC3X4kqR6ib0xtvV2g73Rgb/view) by the amazing [@sunshinedoie](https://twitter.com/sunshinedoie)
> 
> talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/6_intricate) and [CC](https://curiouscat.me/6_intricate)


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